An Oxford Dictionary of Received Political Ideas

by Aidan Chivers

Political discussion amongst Oxford undergraduates can be confusing at times, so Aidan Chivers has created a short dictionary to help guide you safely past any possible pitfalls.

ANTISEMITISM IN THE LABOUR PARTY – Three main options: (a) blame the media; (b) make an unrelated point about Boris and burkas; (c) repeat ‘But Jezza is a man of peace’ often enough until you believe it.

BREXIT VOTERS – They regret the loss of the British Empire. All drink either English bitter in country pubs or cans of Carling on the train.

FARAGE, Nigel – German wife; EU pension; frog-like double chin. 

FARRON, Tim – A Christian, so not a liberal. 

FREE SPEECH – Extol its virtues, especially when surrounded by like-minded people.

GUARDIAN – A beacon of decency in a world plagued by Brexit, Trump, and people who don’t like Owen Jones. Share its articles on Facebook to demonstrate your liberal credentials.

JOHNSON, Boris – Small red horns can occasionally be seen poking out of that blond mop of hair.

MAY, Theresa – Wheat; dancing; curtsies; Brexit means Brexit.

MODERATE LABOUR MPs – [Probably no need for this entry for much longer – Ed.]

MOMENTUM – What happens when an unstoppable force of self-righteous anti-Western sentiment meets the hitherto unmovable object of a century of respectable Labour politics? Jezza becomes the Labour leader.

NO DEAL BREXIT – Would lead almost immediately to a Hobbesian return to a state of nature.

O’BRIEN, James – Howl with glee when he ridicules Brexit-voting callers on LBC.

REES-MOGG, Jacob – Bespectacled abortion-hater with a child called Sixtus.

TORIES – Evil, except for Anna Soubry and possibly Dominic Grieve. 

WILDERS, Geert; Le PEN, Marine; ORBÁN, Viktor; ÅKESSON, Jimmie; KURZ, Sebastian; SALVINI, Matteo – If any of their names comes up in conversation, make the sign of the cross and throw a pinch of salt over your shoulder.

The Poor Print

The Oriel College Newspaper. Run by students, with contributions from the JCR, MCR, SCR, Staff. Current Executive Editors: Chloe Whitehead, Fanxi Liu, Michael Angerer

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