by Beary McBearface

Hello there! My name’s Beary, one of the giant teddy bears who hang out in the JCR – I’m the brown one; my purple counterpart is John Henry. As The Poor Print’s self-anointed agony aunt, I’m here to help you with any troubles you’re facing. Please send me your college (or general) worries, and I’ll help you find a solution. To submit a question, just send an email to thepoorprint@oriel.ox.ac.uk with ‘Dear Beary’ in the subject line. Of course, if you’d prefer to remain anonymous – and I encourage naming no names; we don’t want any beef here – just drop a note with your concern for me in one of the editors’ pidges in the Porters’ Lodge (names are available below). And please do: I need a nice hobby in my twilight years! NB: Please remember that old Beary here has had no formal welfare training, so if you have a more serious issue to raise, please reach out to our beloved JCR Welfare Officers (Ben Thomson and Rose Hickman) and MCR Welfare Secretary (Gabe Calvo), or get in touch with the Peer Supporters, the Welfare Deans (Marta Bielinska and Dan Brennan), the Chaplain (Rob Wainwright), or the College Nurse. And now, for the matter at hand:

1. Dear Beary, why am I so stressed?
That is the age-old question that has plagued many an Oxford student. But ultimately, I think you know the answer; you signed up for this after all! Whether the rigorous academic requirements and numerous assignments you are required to complete that are due in approximately three hours, or the excessive extracurriculars and responsibilities you thought would be a good idea months ago (and look good on your CV), or a combination of the two, stress was always inevitable. So there you are, biting your nails in a corner of the Pantin, dissociating in the Glink, distracting yourselves and others in Third Quad, as stress rises and falls in waves. And all because you applied to this (surprisingly?) intense course. Ah well.

2. Dear Beary, what should I do if I fail my exams?
‘Fail’ is an interesting word. Many have used this simply to describe some less-than-ideal grades, while others take it very seriously, saving, harbouring this term for the most dire of situations, the scary ones where tutors require extra meetings to discuss your future at the college. Now, depending on the sincerity and severity with which you are engaging this locution you will have to take different actions: whether it simply be getting a wiggle on and actually going to lectures, or actually having to re-sit an examination or two. It will be alright (wow, am I actually being nice?), despite what it may initially feel like – and, before you know it, the worst will have passed.

3. Dear Beary, why is it always raining?
Dear Reader, why is it that you are always complaining? The rain is rejuvenating! It is life-giving! While it may chill your bones and send your teeth chattering, and mean that your sentient radiator will be dressed in dripping socks and the jumper that you thought would protect from the weather, and make your room have a damp smell for the next week, it is nature’s way of cleansing of course. Washing the slate clean, starting fresh, blah blah blah. If nothing else, it may simply be an omen that one needs to stay inside, in a library, and finish one’s work for once. No? Just an idea.

4. Dear Beary, can I submit my own questions to you?
Absolutely! In fact, that’s highly encouraged – my entire raison d’être as an ursine agony aunt is to provide answers to the college community. That can only happen if I have some questions to answer. Now, it so happens that most of the questions that come my way are written by your indefatigable Poor Print editors on the day before publication, feverishly trying to fill this column up. While I’m certainly happy to humour their tireless editing work, it does admittedly tend to get a little unvaried over time. What I really need are some fresh, inquisitive voices who are hankering to ask me something. Ergo: do you have any college concerns or worries that you’d like to raise (anonymously)? Are there any burning questions that have popped into your head recently while in the shower? Do you just want a new method of procrastination or boredom relief? Then we’d like to hear from you! Just send your questions for me – long, short, deep, shallow, serious, frivolous – to thepoorprint@oriel.ox.ac.uk with ‘Dear Beary’ in the subject line, and I’ll do my utmost to answer it in the next issue. I even hear that an online submission form has been set up at thepoorprint.com/submit for your convenience. The question can be on any topic you like (although the editors tell me that there isn’t enough space to publish answers to everyone’s tutorial essays). Best of all, I can promise much better, wittier responses than Ch*tGPT, if you were thinking of using that wretched large language model. AI can never take my job away!