by HSE

People I am sorry to:

• Anyone I have ever played against in a netball match (apart from that one girl who really deserved the jumpy marking and pushing as we waited for the whistle to blow)
• Any insect I ever accidentally stepped on (though I do not regret stepping on said netball girl)
• Instagram poets for ever thinking their verse was bad (mine is worse)
• Joan of Arc. Morrissey does not know how you felt and I’m sorry for singing along.
• Lady Caroline Lamb, Claire Claremont, Augusta Leigh, the Baroness Wentworth, Jane Scott, the Contessa Guiccioli, Margaret Parker, Mary Duff and all other lovers of Lord Byron for my glamourisation of such a mean man, and 
using him as my SSO password
• The lovers of Lord Byron whom I didn’t include by name just then
• Also the Oxford University student registration team for violating the agreement that I would not share my SSO password
• The women who appeared on Take Me Out

People I am not sorry to:

• My Head of Sixth
• Henry VIII