by Siddiq Islam

Mathematics is a rare but serious condition that not many know about, and yet, it may be quietly affecting many of your friends at university. It is often caused by a degree in mathematics, and it gives rise to many symptoms, ranging from minor to debilitating. The condition is characterised by a logical, geometrical, number theoretic, or otherwise mathematical outlook on the world that impacts the way they think and behave. In this article, I outline a few such behaviours to raise awareness about this under-researched condition and the people it affects. The blinding majority of these symptoms have no cure and no treatment.

Those living with mathematics find themselves constantly doing calculations in their heads. When going somewhere, they calculate the distance to their bike as a fraction of the distance to their destination, and divide it by the relative speed of walking respective to cycling in order to choose whether to cycle or walk. This is an example of the process ‘nondimensionalisation’ and occurs more in applied mathematicians.

To walk more efficiently, mathematicians always take the hypotenuse across a space. This causes them to cross roads diagonally, and moreover, as diagonally as possible, even if that ends up being almost parallel to the road. This leads to prolong periods at risk of being run over.

People with mathematics may also ponder about the validity of statistics. They may fixate on certain statistical paradoxes, such as the sex survey where heterosexual men reported having significantly more sex on average than heterosexual women, which doesn’t add up if the male and female populations are the same size. They may apply these paradoxes to other situations, such as wondering if there are more drivers annoyed at having to wait for them to cross the road diagonally than there are mathematicians who realise they have caused a traffic jam behind them.

High-functioning mathematicians can make it into top sports teams. However, they often find themselves thinking about dynamics and projectiles during sports. If they play football, they will attempt to calculate the spin needed for a kick to bend into the goal, which can cause them to take longer than usual to react. The same goes for snooker, where they may visualise 2-D collision lines.

There is a branch of mathematics called probability that mathematicians will often try to apply in personal settings. For example, they may estimate the probability of each of their friends arriving at a gathering in order to calculate the expected number of guests. Another example is walking down the street wondering if they can calculate their height from the number people who are taller than them, and how they would be able to solve this if they knew the population mean and variance.

This is just a brief array of the types of symptoms mathematics can cause, but I hope it has opened the eye of the reader. Severe cases can result in more complex and mentally intensive symptoms than those discussed here.