Oriel Reacts to a Trump Presidency…

Eoin Monaghan [at 4am, on my entering the JCR] – ‘Go back to bed, Alex. The apocalypse has already happened.’

Wesley Rawlings – ‘This is far more than something new. Syphilis would be new for me – doesn’t mean that I want it. The American people have given the White House “the clap”.’

Will Cook – ‘I’m sure that JCR business is the last thing on anyone’s mind, and to fill everyone’s inbox with news about elections on a morning like this seems like some kind of sick joke. But the show must go on…’

Edward Carroll – ‘Well at least Brexit doesn’t seem so bad now…’

Anna Wawrzonkowska – ‘Friendly reminder that even if there are walls, there are gates in them and there’s also a chance to walk at the top.’

Wesley Rawlings – ‘It’s like putting a six-year-old in the captain’s seat of a Boeing 747. You have to pray that the cabin crew just let him sit there and press the button that turns the seatbelt light on and off.’

Jeremy Chiu – ‘Congratulations America, you just played yourself. Have fun living with the racist tangerine for the next 4 years.’

Edwin Oliver-Watts – ‘So the streak of political events being predicted by The Simpsons continues…’

Ebony Moody – ‘How? I mean… How?’

Ben Albert Pace – ‘When the darkness comes, if you rise to face it, then you are doing much better than if you let it defeat you without a fight.

Remember that the right thing to do with the worry and the fear, is to turn it into steely resolve for action’.

Will McDonald – ‘Still can’t believe it really. Like I knew they were stupid…’

Max Clements – ‘Lincoln didn’t die for this ffs #Election2016’

Matthew Hull – ‘What are you cooking?’

‘Baked beans, baked potato and red pepper – nothing fancy…’

‘Eh, those are all things I’m planning on stockpiling in my nuclear bunker…’

Emily Essex: [at Compline – late-night chapel service] – ‘I briefly considered using the Collect for War and Tumult, but I realised it was a bit too much about smiting down your enemies…’

Ariana Busby – ‘FEMALE LEADERSHIP IS NOT DEAD. Come to this show I co-directed with fellow Nasty Woman Saskia Tavares De Wand and make this week a little more bearable! Also bear-able because it stars Beary McBearphace! But also good old-fashioned “bearable” because this week has been the worst, right?! Except for this!’

Beary McBearphace – [blank staring at the TV screen]

The Poor Print

Established in 2013, The Poor Print is the student-run newspaper of Oriel College, Oxford. Written by members of the JCR, MCR, SCR and staff, new issues are published fortnightly during term. Our current Executive Editors are Siddiq Islam and Jerric Chong.

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