by Beary McBearface

Beary McBearface, treasured Oriel mascot and JCR staple, is here to help you with your troubles. In this column,  Beary will attempt to find solutions to your little college worries; trust him, he’s seen it all. All you need to do is email thepoorprint@oriel.ox.ac.uk with the subject line ‘Dear Beary’, and if you’re lucky your problem will be solved in our next issue.

Of course, if you’d like to remain anonymous – and Beary encourages naming no names, we don’t want any beef here – just drop a note with your Beary concern to Chloe Whitehead’s pidge. And please do, Beary needs a hobby in his twilight years.

[If you’re really struggling, or if your problem contains sensitive information, be aware that Beary has received no formal Welfare training; please message Joel and Simone Fraser, our beloved Welfare Officers, for more information, or get in touch with the Welfare Deans or the College Nurse.]

1) Dear Beary, my best friend will not stop banging on about rowing. How do I tell her to stop without hurting her feelings?

Hurt her feelings. Rowing is a dangerous cult. The rowers try and convince me every time Summer VIIIs comes around to sub in for their M1, but I stay strong and refuse. I have important JCR duties like lounging on bean bags in Third Quad.

2) Dear Beary, I can’t decide whether to apply for an internship this summer or not. I don’t want to spend my whole summer in an office, but I’m also worried that if I miss out, I won’t get a job. What should I do?

OK, honey, you have two choices here: enjoy your youth, or accept the oncoming doom of the rat race. Internships are great for getting you work experience and for helping you decide what you’d like to do, but they’re really not the be all and end all. If you get one, amazing; if not, give yourself a break and sit on a beach. You’ve got your whole life to work it out.

3) Dear Beary, I think I’m in love with someone on my staircase. Should I approach them?

Oh dear. Abort mission: college incest is rarely wincest. You could take the plunge, but beware the potentially awkward consequences. However, I’m always here in the JCR for a cuddle if it doesn’t go to plan.

4) Dear Beary, my roommate smells. Can we redo the room ballot?

No. Live with it. That stress can only occur once a year, just before exams. Them’s the rules.