by Beary McBearface
Beary McBearface, treasured Oriel mascot and JCR staple, is here to help you with your troubles. In this column, Beary will attempt to find solutions to your little college worries; trust him, he’s seen it all. All you need to do is email firstname.lastname@example.org with the subject line ‘Dear Beary’, and if you’re lucky your problem will be solved in our next issue.
Of course, if you’d like to remain anonymous – and Beary encourages naming no names, we don’t want any beef here – just drop a note with your Beary concern to Chloe Whitehead’s pidge. And please do, Beary needs a hobby in his twilight years.
[If you’re really struggling, or if your problem contains sensitive information, be aware that Beary has received no formal Welfare training; please message Joel and Simone Fraser, our beloved Welfare Officers, for more information, or get in touch with the Welfare Deans or the College Nurse.]
1) Dear Beary, What are your 3 top tips on being a better friend?
- Check in with them as often as possible and see how they’re doing; they’ll really appreciate the fact you’re thinking of them and wanting to spend time with them. Remember, time is the most precious thing you have.
- Don’t impeach or no-con them; if this happens to them, change your profile picture and save them.
- Cuddles ’n’ chocolate.
2) Dear Beary, I set my friend up with a date but now he’s ditched me for her on Valentine’s Day… Should I tell him how I feel?
Ah, Valentine’s Day, a capitalist tragedy. Try not to take your friend’s behaviour to heart: it sounds like your matchmaking has gone well, so if you want you could always try your skills on yourself. If you’re feeling really sad, tell your friend you’d like to have dinner with them and then afterwards they can go and see their date. Remind them that you’re the reason they’re getting action in the first place. If all else fails, find a fluffy animal or teddy to cuddle. (I’ll be busy on Valentine’s with my own date, but Guy Cabear will always be here for you. Always.)
3) Dear Beary, I think I’m in love with Hall lunch. I’ve always been fairly devoted, but now the £1 soup and bread roll deal is on I’m becoming obsessed. 12.45-1.30pm is my favourite time of day and as soon as it’s over I want to cry. What should I do?
This is veeeeery common for Oriel students, don’t worry: Hall lunch is indeed a beautiful thing. However, if you think your love is becoming a problem, then as with all things, put it into perspective: you lived life before Hall lunch, and there will be life after. Whilst it is pretty glorious having mac ’n’ cheese and chocolate pudding every Friday, you will likely have better meals. And the people you spend it with don’t just appear at 12.45pm and disappear shortly after (unless they’re finalists), so you can laugh around with them any time of day. You could also join the recently formed Oriel Salad Group if you want to share your adoration; it’s a bit more niche but you can share your passion with like-minded people. A sense of solidarity is key at times like this, and it will probably comfort you to know there’s many people out there who love those 45 minutes as much as you.