by Beary McBearface

Beary McBearface, treasured Oriel mascot and JCR staple, is here to help you with your troubles. In this column,  Beary will attempt to find solutions to your little college worries; trust him, he’s seen it all. All you need to do is email thepoorprint@oriel.ox.ac.uk with the subject line ‘Dear Beary’, and if you’re lucky your problem will be solved in our next issue.

Of course, if you’d like to remain anonymous – and Beary encourages naming no names, we don’t want any beef here – just drop a note with your Beary concern to Chloe Whitehead’s pidge. And please do, Beary needs a hobby in his twilight years.

[If you’re really struggling, or if your problem contains sensitive information, be aware that Beary has received no formal Welfare training; please message Joel and Simone Fraser, our beloved Welfare Officers, for more information, or get in touch with the Welfare Deans or the College Nurse.]

1) What is Oriel Salad? Should I join?

A distinguished dining society which apparently manifests itself in a Facebook group. Its members are obsessed with salad – and, following my earlier request for comment on whether you can skip people at the salad bar during Hall lunch, it seems you definitely now should, because the members of Oriel Salad spend minutes hunched over it while crafting their latest lettuce concoction. Photos are then posted to show off their cucumber masterpieces, with other members commenting their approval or dislike. If you love salad, join it.

2) Dear Beary, my friends say my dance moves are awful but I love cutting shapes so much I can’t stop… what should I do? Try to improve, or tell them to get lost?

Definitely tell them to sod off! Dancing is one of the best ways to let off steam after a stressful Oxford day (or any day, to be fair), and as long as you’re not giving anyone a concussion, you should be free to dance whichever way you want.

3) Dear Beary, I’m looking forward to the Easter Vac but haven’t got any plans for it as of yet. How would you recommend I spend my time?

Sleep. Sleep. Sleep. Hilary can be a cruel mistress and you need to recover. If circumstances permit, take a short holiday, whether abroad or just somewhere else in the country. Go wild. Give your family and home friends a bit of love, and take time for yourself to relax. Do a bit of work so you’re not completely screwed for Trinity, because it is by far the best term, and you want to make sure you give yourself time to have stress-free days playing croquet in Third Quad.