by Beary McBearface

Beary McBearface, treasured Oriel mascot and JCR staple, is here to help you with your troubles. In this column,  Beary will attempt to find solutions to your little college worries; trust him, he’s seen it all. All you need to do is email thepoorprint@oriel.ox.ac.uk with the subject line ‘Dear Beary’, and if you’re lucky your problem will be solved in our next issue.

Of course, if you’d like to remain anonymous – and Beary encourages naming no names, we don’t want any beef here – just drop a note with your Beary concern to Chloe Whitehead’s pidge. And please do, Beary needs a hobby in his twilight years.

[If you’re really struggling, or if your problem contains sensitive information, be aware that Beary has received no formal Welfare training; please message Joel and Simone Fraser, our beloved Welfare Officers, for more information, or get in touch with the Welfare Deans or the College Nurse.]

1) Dear Beary, I have a favourite seat in the library, and sit there most days. I get vexed when someone else sits there, but is this reasonable? Is it alright to be so territorial?

If you’re a finalist, then yes, probably. You’ve got a lot on your plate so if you have a favourite seat it’s nice to get to sit in it for the last few weeks. However, it’s also good to have a change of scene, which goes for anyone sitting in the library. No need to go crazy and reserve your seat at 6am – no need for fights.

2) Dear Beary, what’s the superior Trinity sport: croquet on Third Quad or boules on First Quad?

Probably croquet, as it’s a bit less geriatric. Third Quad is a bit more treacherous, with the potential to hit procrastinating finalists on beanbags, but at least it’s near to the library and JCR for quick study and tuck shop breaks. First Quad, however, is admittedly more sophisticated, with the potential for organ and OCCC accompaniment. Boules is a bit boring, though.

3) Dear Beary, what’s your favourite bench in college?

Strange question, but probably the one in Second Quad (outside the laundry, not outside the SCR). Great for procrastinating because you can chat to people coming in and out of the laundry, library, or having a smoking break. The one in Third Quad is decent, but you might get decked by a croquet ball. And the other one in Second Quad risks an impromptu squirrel attack.