by Beary McBearface

Beary McBearface, treasured Oriel mascot and JCR staple, is here to help you with your troubles. In this column, Beary will attempt to find solutions to your little college worries; trust him, he’s seen it all. All you need to do is email thepoorprint@oriel.ox.ac.ukwith the subject line ‘Dear Beary’.

Of course, if you’d like to remain anonymous – and Beary encourages naming no names, we don’t want any beef here – just drop a note with your Beary concern to Chloe Whitehead’s pidge. And please do, Beary needs a hobby in his twilight years.

[If you’re really struggling, or if your problem contains sensitive information, be aware that Beary has received no formal Welfare training; please message Joel and Simone Fraser, our beloved Welfare Officers, for more information, or get in touch with the Welfare Deans or the College Nurse.]

Dear Beary, is Circuit Laundry a heaven-sent evil devised to test my patience? I’ve lost more money on the machines than I would in a Vegas casino…

As recompense for the archaic buildings and fancy dinners, Circuit Laundry is here to remind us that we are still, in fact, students prey to the machinations of the tyrannical Circuit Laundry. Having been in the machines myself, I can attest to the fact that they’re a bit grimy, very uncomfortable, and tend not to get you dry with one cycle. I don’t have much washing to do, but I know that your balance can be wiped out at will by the powers that be in Circuit head office. If I were you I’d moan incessantly to customer service: nolites te negotiatores carborundorum [don’t let the capitalists grind you down].

Dear Beary, the person living above me seems to have been having a very good time lately, and the noises are keeping me awake. Should I try to politely tell them to keep it down?

Oof – that is quite awkward; to an extent it depends on how well you know them. If you feel comfortable, then definitely drop them a message saying you’re pleased they’re having fun, but not to the extent it’s disturbing your nap. If that would be too embarrassing, maybe next time they start getting frisky play some loud music or hope they get the hint.