by Beary McBearface

Beary McBearface, treasured Oriel mascot and JCR staple, is here to help you with your troubles. In this column, Beary will attempt to find solutions to your little college worries; trust him, he’s seen it all. To contact him, all you have to do is emailthepoorprint@oriel.ox.ac.uk with the subject line ‘Dear Beary’.

Of course, if you’d like to remain anonymous – and Beary encourages naming no names, we don’t want any beef here – just drop a note with your Beary concern to one of the editors’ pidges. And please do; Beary needs a hobby in his twilight years.

[If you’re really struggling, or if your problem contains sensitive information, be aware that Beary has received no formal welfare training; please message Harriet Tubb and Aidan Robertson, our beloved JCR Welfare Officers, for more information, or get in touch with the peer supporters, Welfare Deans or the College Nurse.]

1) Dear Beary, does innate morality exist?

I’d like to think that horrific treacheries like stealing from tuck are innately immoral and do not rely on human construction to exist.

2) Dear Beary, what are the massive birds flying around Oxford?

If you’re talking about the red kites, they have been steadily rising in number in the past few years, and are commonly found around Oxfordshire. They have bright red tails and a wingspan of six feet and make cute little whistling noises.

However, if you see one circling above you, hide your Najar’s – they are known to attack people for food!

3) Dear Beary, someone ate the half a cake in our shared fridge which I was saving to eat later and now I’m sad.

Who keeps cake in the fridge? You put it in a sealed container. I’m glad someone stole it. You probably left it there long enough to go dry anyway. Taking up fridge space too, shame on you.