by Siddiq Islam

I’d heard of His trials and temptations before, but
He didn’t just leave them out, peppered around.
He crammed my tongue full with them, muzzled my jaws shut
And tilted my head back to make them go down.
So mad was I. This was the God I had followed,
Lifting my tongue up to check that I’d swallowed.
Rage stormed my mind. So mad that when praying,
I’d scream in my head the du’aas I was saying.
He didn’t shout back, though, which made me more wild.
I wanted to kick at His shins like a child,
But God had no shins. There was nothing to tear at.
I tried acting out, but He pushed me back in.
He did not react when I carried out sin.
No, He beat me with guilt. I broke down on a prayer mat.
He loved me defeated. He kissed my sore head.
It’s good for my heart that I’m struggling, He said.