Torpids: Travesty – or Reality?

by Anonymous


You may have seen Oriel’s official Instagram post about our rowing crews’ racing achievements this term, but we’re here to give you a full, comprehensive and totally accurate account of what actually went down during Torpids … just in case you had the audacity to miss the events themselves.

First on, the star of the show: W1!

Everyone cheer for our awesome women’s first boat. Not only were they decked in hot pink caps and socks, they are also all incredibly hot … and hot on the heels of the boat ahead of them. They started off strong with two days of overbumps (have I mentioned they’re incredible yet?) on Wadham and Wolfson. W1 for the win! Then they rowed over hot on Pembroke’s tail on Friday … a thrilling chase which continued the next day, but was denied a conclusion by the early klaxon on the last day of Torpids. Unlucky, but none the less talented for it. Pembroke will get what’s coming for them next year – they can’t escape us for ever.

They say it’s not about the destination, but the journey on the way. So I ask: M1, M1 … did you have fun?

Started at the head, ended up third … not a bad outcome at all. At least you didn’t go down a whole division (let me tell you, there were SEVERAL boats who did this year). That’s a lifetime trying to make up for it; third is a pretty solid position to be in in comparison. 

… We still love our boys.

Now, this is where the good stuff TRULY begins, brought to you by our two second boats, M2 and W2. It was pure chaos, organised to provide you all with your Sunday morning entertainment. Honestly, I don’t know who had it worse.

W2 started off strong on the comedy side on Thursday after a seat came off and the subsequent crab landed them in a tree – definitely the right place to be during a rowing race. 

And if you saw any shivering rowers on Friday, it was probably one of them on their way to a warm shower and a heavy laundry load after capsizing at the landing. It’s almost like they were desperate to set a new record for the most unbelievable Torpids campaign at Oriel. Almost on par with when we hit (and mutilated) a swan in 2012 Summer Eights …

M2 … I have no words.

The Poor Print

Established in 2013, The Poor Print is the student-run newspaper of Oriel College, Oxford, written by members of the JCR, MCR, SCR and staff. New issues are published fortnightly during term. Our current Executive Editors are Siddiq Islam and Jerric Chong.

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