The Poor Print

Issue #90 – Stress

A PDF of the print version of Issue #90 – Stress – can be downloaded here.

by Beary McBearface Hello there! My name’s Beary, one of the giant teddy bears who hang out in the JCR – I’m the brown one; my purple counterpart is John Henry. As The Poor Print’s self-anointed agony aunt, I’m here to help you with any troubles you’re facing. Please send me your college (or general) […]

Artwork, Cartoon, College, Comic

Exam Season

by Siddiq Islam

Puzzle

Cryptic Crossword [4]

by Tom Rose Editor’s note: The solutions to this puzzle are available here. Across 1 A unit representative of a typical, grizzly hospital (8,6) 9 Gods of a mount from the east (5) 10 A welcoming signal? (9) 11 Decapitate pig with blade (3) 12 Minecraft block-style copper starts to become increasingly corroded (5) 13 Make a bet, lose £1000, […]

Culture, Music, Prose, Reviews

Champagne Concert: A Review

by Jerric Chong We at Oriel are quite privileged indeed to be able to listen to an extraordinarily broad range of live music. Even discounting the superb ensembles and performers of every genre who can be heard across the city and university, Oriel is fortunate to be able to put on a wide array of […]

Culture, Prose, Reviews

Sisyphus House: A Review

by Sam Hardaker Subtitled a ‘time bending rom-com’, the student-run Sisyphus House touched a nostalgic and sentimental nerve. Written by Abbie Nott and Megan Bruton, the new play had a unique and fresh voice, both loving and honest, truthful and fantastical, and Sisyphus House was able to transform a rather grey Thursday and my rather […]

Poetry

Mono

by Siddiq Islam O a wondrous yestermorrow,Wrapped up with my missus Mono.Cuddles, nuzzles, hugs and kisses,Wrapped up with my Mono missus. But, next day, I’m fever’s captive.What has made me so reactive?Tossing, turning all night long.What has happened? What is wrong? Hearing Doctor’s diagnosis:‘You have Mononucleosis.Drink some water, get some rest,And stay away from me! […]

Poetry

Tres Aestates

Three Summers by Leonard Shaw non puntonibussoles non placet nostriscapti labore terror ob finemdocumenta moraticor iam sanatur solis occasusmembra calefactantesmox laboramus we are not in puntssunny days delight us notheld hostage by work panic for the endtutorials are delayedmy heart is now healed the sun is settingthough our bodies are warmersoon we work again

Culture, Prose

Stressed About Exams This Trinity? Here’s Why You Should Go and See Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3

by Hani Ali Whether you have finals, prelims, or obscure second-year exams (why?) coming up, I can imagine you are probably under a lot of stress. Your friends are too busy to see you, the work never stops, and you’ve had to cut down on formals and other leisure activities. Why wouldn’t you be? As […]

Print issues

Issue #89 – Fire

A PDF of the print version of Issue #89 – Fire – can be downloaded here.

Humour, Music, Prose

A Sophisticated Analysis of Sadomasochism and Cannibalism in Katy Perry’s ‘California Gurls’ ft. Snoop Dogg (2010)

by Anonymous The heavy psychoanalytical undertones of Katherine Perry’s ‘California Gurls’ has been the subject of much scholarly attention in recent years, as has the Oedipal complexity that dominates the lyrics. However, less well documented is the gastronomic and culinary imagery which pervades the song both lyrically and videographically. This, coupled with a recognition of […]

College, Humour, Prose

Knocking on 697’s Door: ‘It Tastes Like Beer’

by David Akanji Nothing’s like the excitement of trying a new beer for the first time. The anticipation builds as you crack open the bottle and the aroma wafts up to your nose. The first sip is always the most telling, as you try to discern the flavours and characteristics of the brew. While the […]

Prose

The Poor Print: Ten Years On

by Monim Wains The very first issue of The Poor Print was published in Trinity Term 2013. To celebrate our tenth birthday, we’ve asked past Poor Printers to provide retrospective editorials on their time with the newspaper. Here, Monim Wains reflects on his time as an executive editor from 2019 to 2022. I think I […]

Comment, Prose

Women*’s Dinner 2023

by Ayomikun Bolaji The women* of Oriel gathered once more on the 28th of April to celebrate woman*hood, female* empowerment and diversity at the Women*’s Dinner: a feat we have only enjoyed once before, and will hopefully enjoy for many years to come thanks to the amazing Eva Hogan, JCR Women*’s Officer. ‘I want Women*’s […]

Poetry

Ma chambre

by Joshua Freeman Original (French) Faite de bon temps, de vieille pierre, d’émoiMa chambre n’est pas qu’un lieu d’escale sans vieIntarie, cette source est ma meilleure amieSous la voûte céleste elle est faite de bois La pluie résonne en moi comme un vieux souvenirSur l’alcôve le ciel joue une mélodieMa chambre est bien plus que […]

Poetry

How to Smile

by Siddiq Islam Leave mistakes from yesterday.Banish worries of tomorrow.Later we can dwell on sorrow.Just for now, put it away. What’s around you? Chairs? Buildings?Or are you in the forest yonder?God has put you where you wonder.Cherish this fact of all things. The people need you back again.How they miss your quiet beauty.Smile because it […]

Prose

The Alternative Toast Debate: Is Toast Bread That Has Been Toasted, or Bread That Is Made for Toasting?

by Pia Regensburger On the agenda today is a hot topic: toast. The one aspect we will be able to agree on is that traditional pre-sliced sandwich bread makes excellent toast, but any further talk about toast is bound to result in a heated debate. Should we choose white, wheat or rye bread, sourdough or […]

Print issues

Issue #88 – Paradise

A PDF of the print version of Issue #88 – Paradise – can be downloaded here.

Humour, Prose

‘Dear Beary …’ [21]

Hello there! My name’s Beary, one of the giant teddy bears who hang out in the JCR – I’m the brown one; my purple counterpart is John Henry. As The Poor Print’s self-anointed agony aunt, I’m here to help you with any troubles you’re facing. Please send me your college (or general) worries, and I’ll help […]

Prose

Torpids: Travesty – or Reality?

by Anonymous Boat Wed Thu Fri Sat Finish M1 ↓ ↓ → → 3rd M2 ↓↓↓↓ ↑ ↓↓↓↓↓ → 37th Boat Wed Thu Fri Sat Finish W1 ↑ ↑ → → 3rd W2 ↓↓ ↓ ↓ → 39th You may have seen Oriel’s official Instagram post about our rowing crews’ racing achievements this term, but […]

Culture, Prose, Reviews

Spring Awakening: A Review

by Sam Hardaker As a fan of the show, with the Broadway album etched permanently into my brain, it is difficult to decide to see another version of something I love, knowing it will be different. But boy am I glad to have witnessed Pelican Productions’ Spring Awakening this Hilary term. From the first note […]

Poetry

Lonely Bean

by Anonymous Lo! what a life for you, little bean,Left upon the plate otherwise so empty.You are so round and your juices so sweet,And yet your master let you not enter his lips. Wherefore did such a thing occur, little bean?Was your master in a rush for a 9am class?Or were you too much effort […]

Poetry

Hourglass

by Leonard Shaw Alas! You know only the simple ways:For such a man the days fly and flitterFrom one week to the next,Till the term, the year, the life is o’er. Upon a passing fancy in the street or in a carriage,One can only wonder surely when the next may come to be.And yet the […]

Poetry

In Paradisum

by Jerric Chong In paradisum deducant te Angeli: They come now, those harbingers so bright, In tuo adventu suscipiant te Martyres, Beckoning thee at the celestial gate: Et perducant te in civitatem sanctam Jerusalem. ’Tis at unity with itself; gladly go thou in. But O what glories shalt thou then behold? Chorus Angelorum te suscipiat, […]

Puzzle

Cryptic Crossword [3]

by Tom Rose Across 1 Poor mark suggests something’s wrong (3,4) 5 Fix the wizard a big cheese? (7) 10 Just holding one is a long way off (4) 11 ABBA overdo dancing, honest (5,5) 12 Using some incorrect or pidgin Latin is sluggish (6) 13 ‘People known to love sheep stew’, His Highness inaccurately […]

Culture, Prose, Reviews

Fermat’s Last Tango: A Review

by Jerric Chong For most of us, I suppose, the words ‘maths’ and ‘humour’ will rarely appear in the same sentence, let alone alongside each other. But not after attending Fermat’s Last Tango, performed by a cast and crew of Oxford students at the Mathematical Institute, which despite its niche subject matter succeeds in providing […]

Puzzle

Cryptic Crossword [2]

by Siddiq Islam ACROSS 3 Dodgy cat simp affects me (7) 7 Somehow turn coo into fried bread for soup (7) 8 Act differently under X-ray scan (3) 9 Clumsy detective derives coulomb (7) 12 Oscar Brown wearing beret reflects upon divine literature (5) 13 Am going for cheese that’s oozing without ease (6) 16 […]

Print issues

Issue #87 – Forbidden

A PDF of the print version of Issue #87 – Forbidden– can be downloaded here

Poetry

University Bed

by Siddiq Islam,(1:48 am) Slumped on the hard edge of a long day,My tired arms spindle like crusty crab’s legs.My brain has dried out by now of things to say,Poking around at what’s left of the dregs. Tried eating, the heating, unplugging the buzzes,Tried not to feel through the weak mattress the springs,And I tried […]

Culture, Prose, Reviews

An American in Paris: A Review

by Jerric Chong and Evie Sharp Paris has just been liberated from its Nazi occupiers. Legions of American veterans begin departing on their way home across the Atlantic. But not so for youthful Jerry Mulligan, an artistic dilettante smitten with a young ballerina he encounters on the Parisian streets. He soon meets the composer and […]

Humour, Prose

‘Dear Beary …’ [20]

Poetry

Do you know

by Ayomikun Bolaji I dream of you — Damned sandman won’t stop spilling seeds about you.He knows that I yearn for you, breathe for you.The tugging in my heart’s apparently a hot topic in fairylandBut You have no idea what I’d give for you,Mountains I’d climb for you,Poems I could write for you- Rhyming ‘you’ with ‘you’ […]

Poetry

Words left [unsaid]

by Anonymous You say I can ask you anything,But not this: If love does not envy,Why do I? I ask though I know The answer. Your love is not meant for A lesser love, worthy of heaven but not earth,Heaven, where I’ll be made perfect,Cleansed of my sins, of the shardsOf the home I would have […]

Poetry

Ode to Nick Fletcher MP

by The Grey Prince O what have we become,God of grace divine,When children on computers,In simulation, yearn for the mines? O what have we become?From the Lord’s path we stray,The shops once fifteen miles,Now fifteen minutes away. O what have we become,Blessed holy Lamb of God?The sky is far too clear;I miss the warming smog. […]

Print issues

Issue #86 – Envy

A PDF of the print version of Issue #86 – Envy– can be downloaded here

Creative Writing, Prose

The Lie-in, the Witch and the War Drone

by Siddiq Islam (3am, Sunday, 5 February 2023) Dear little Peter, he sleeps where he chooses. He picks out a spot that he likes, never loses, and that’s where he lies down, and that’s where he snoozes. This evening, our dear little Peter, it seems, invites to his home but the girl of his dreams! […]

Prose

A Tale of Two Farrants

by Jerric Chong Richard Farrant (c. 1528 – 1580) was a Tudor musician and theatrical producer who sang in the Chapel Royal (the royal choir) and later became the master of its boy choristers. His job – besides directing the choir and playing the organ – involved helping to entertain Queen Elizabeth I by getting […]

Comment, Culture, Food & Drink, Prose, Reviews

Equalities Week: JCR Multicultural Formal

by Sam Hardaker This past Tuesday, 31 January, Oriel’s dining hall opened its doors to a new type of formal dinner: a multicultural formal. After careful organisation and advertisement by our very own JCR Equalities and Access Officer, Shubh Kumar, the dinner featured four courses, featuring a Greek meze platter, a Moroccan sorbet, Tandoori chicken […]

Humour, Prose

‘Dear Beary …’ [19]

Poetry

Stolen Moments of Pedestrian Desire in the Radcliffe Camera

by Anonymous To the girl across from me in the Rad Cam:You know well who you are;You thought I missed your quiet looks,But I hold them in my heart. ‘Maybe he’ll Oxfess me! Or pass a note –He’d have to be adroit!’No doubt you’re thinking, or daydreaming.I’m sorry to disappoint … ‘A Maccies date, then, […]